Full of Boys

Finding the adventure in the blues, greens and grays of life!

Searching to fill voids April 20, 2011

Filed under: Christ,Faith,Family — fullofboys @ 3:15 pm

I am a city girl living a country girl’s life. This has everything to do with the man who holds my heart….my husband. He is a country boy. I knew it from the moment he came to pick me up for our first date in Wranglers & cowboy boots. I was wearing black slacks & a new button up shirt from a name brand store at the mall. Good thing our first impression was working in the heat of the Dominican Republic or we might never have gotten together. J

Ok, took a little side trip there. Let’s get back to the country life.

We currently own three steers. They arrived on a Sunday around 2pm. On that day, our steers were taken from their moms for the first time.   Heath & I watched them to make sure they were safe & felt secure in our pasture. Right next to our pasture is another pasture with several full-grown cows.

We turned our backs for a moment & they were gone! They went through the barbwire fence, down an embankment through a creek & up another embankment to get to these other cows. No, their mothers were not there but they were searching & willing to do anything to find them.

After spending some time outside trying to corral them (see, this is me living the country life), we came inside. I was tired. My body hurt. I was cold from the creek water & then it hit me: those cows do exactly what I do sometimes in my relationship with Christ.

Sometimes I am so desperate to fill a void. Maybe it is from a friendship, maybe from a hurt. Sometimes it is loneliness. Regardless, the process is the same. I spend my time pushing through the barbwire of life, willing to cut my skin to try to find something to fill the void. I try to balance up & down embankments on my own searching. I am even willing to let a replacement fill the void rather than allow God to fill me.

I suppose that is what makes faith such a journey. Once day, you feel you have it all together, know all the answers & can tackle any mountain. The next day you feel scattered, lost & the smallest hill can deter you.

In that moment, I found a odd sense of peace. I realized that God created me to long for Him. He created me to feel oneness with Him. He created me to trust Him. Yes, I still search sometimes. Yes, I still try to fill my voids. But I also long for Him. It might take me a long journey to be reminded that He truly fills me but I am humbled that he allows me to experience the joys & pains of life. The fact is, he is pursuing me, corralling me into His fold. He looks after me & provides all I need.

I need to rest in that more.


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