I am a city girl living a country girl’s life. This has everything to do with the man who holds my heart….my husband. He is a country boy. I knew it from the moment he came to pick me up for our first date in Wranglers & cowboy boots. I was wearing black slacks & a new button up shirt from a name brand store at the mall. Good thing our first impression was working in the heat of the Dominican Republic or we might never have gotten together. J
Ok, took a little side trip there. Let’s get back to the country life.
We currently own three steers. They arrived on a Sunday around 2pm. On that day, our steers were taken from their moms for the first time. Heath & I watched them to make sure they were safe & felt secure in our pasture. Right next to our pasture is another pasture with several full-grown cows.
We turned our backs for a moment & they were gone! They went through the barbwire fence, down an embankment through a creek & up another embankment to get to these other cows. No, their mothers were not there but they were searching & willing to do anything to find them.
After spending some time outside trying to corral them (see, this is me living the country life), we came inside. I was tired. My body hurt. I was cold from the creek water & then it hit me: those cows do exactly what I do sometimes in my relationship with Christ.
Sometimes I am so desperate to fill a void. Maybe it is from a friendship, maybe from a hurt. Sometimes it is loneliness. Regardless, the process is the same. I spend my time pushing through the barbwire of life, willing to cut my skin to try to find something to fill the void. I try to balance up & down embankments on my own searching. I am even willing to let a replacement fill the void rather than allow God to fill me.
I suppose that is what makes faith such a journey. Once day, you feel you have it all together, know all the answers & can tackle any mountain. The next day you feel scattered, lost & the smallest hill can deter you.
In that moment, I found a odd sense of peace. I realized that God created me to long for Him. He created me to feel oneness with Him. He created me to trust Him. Yes, I still search sometimes. Yes, I still try to fill my voids. But I also long for Him. It might take me a long journey to be reminded that He truly fills me but I am humbled that he allows me to experience the joys & pains of life. The fact is, he is pursuing me, corralling me into His fold. He looks after me & provides all I need.
I need to rest in that more.