Wow…I can not even remember the last time I posted on my blog…it seems forever, though! I was not even sure I would remember my password for the site! Thankfully, I did and here I am. To be honest, I have to wonder if anyone is really reading this. Yet, that is not the reason for me to begin writing again.
Today it is Friday…the ending to a week that has been full of ups and downs for me. A quick recap: we placed our house on the market a few months ago. In August it was put under contract, we moved out in September and the sale fell through. We waiting 3 months before we moved back in just hoping it would sell. During that time a wise woman told met hat we can not understand why God allows the things allows but we should trust that he knows the best outcome for us. I found great comfort in that.
We find ourselves now with a house full of boxes to move once again. To say I am a little jaded by the last ‘almost sale’ is an understatement. Poor Hubby, he keeps getting the brunt of my up and down emotions as I fluctuate from the excitement of picking out paint colors to panic of the closing falling through. The fact he has not felt seasick from all the swaying back and forth is a wonder.
The last week we had what felt like a setback. I do not consider myself to be a crier but I think I burst into tears at least a half dozen times. At the end the of the day, after feeling like I had been beaten down I just looked at my husband and finally said outloud what had been warring inside me for the last few hours:
“It is not about whether we sell the house or not. It is about me trusting God or me trusting in me, and I have been trusting in me. Then when what seemed like my fear coming true happened, I crumbled.”
You see, I bought into the illusion that I was in control. Every box I taped, every choice I made about moving, every thought of paint colors, I thought I was in control. Yes, I did have control about which box got bedding and which box contained kitchen appliances. And I held tight to that control because I knew I had no control over the appraisers and loan officers and realtors. So I held on to what I could and almost pretended the others did not exist.
During that same afternoon I talked to my friend Christy. She heard my cry through the phone and sat ‘with me’ when we both had no words. Then, we she did speak she said a sentence that has stuck with me: “Well, I know you know the truth. you know He is in control”.
Oh. My. Goodness. It was simple and yet it was the PERFECT thing to hear in that moment.
So what did I learn and what’s next?
I am hoping I learned (and earnestly praying I keep the lesson of this!) that God knows and holds my every moment in His hands. He allows me the opportunity to maintain order in my house…the house HE GAVE ME!
We are hoping to close on the house in the next week…and there begins our journey, a journey of a lifetime. I can’t wait to write why I think it is a journey of a lifetime soon!