I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. I must tell you that I am a pretty private person. I tend to keep all my thoughts and feelings bottled up and rarely let anyone peek in on them. Part of it is trust. It is super hard for me to begin to trust people with my day to day life. I find I can tell people about my past, things I have learned or experienced but you will rarely hear me utter words about what weighs on me most that day. To me, friendships can be volatile. Any misstep and you are back at square one with most people. Recently something came up that has me reevaluating what I want and need in friends. Here is my list:
I need a friend who is with me in the good and bad.
I need a friend who will not judge me when I talk whether it be about something I struggle with or about something trivial like brownies!
I need a friend who is trustworthy. Gossip is not cool with me.
I need a friend who trusts me enough to come to me if I have hurt them rather than talk about it with other people.
I do not need someone who checks out on a friendship when things are rough.
I do not need someone who will breathe down my neck about how I messed things up.
I do not need someone who can’t keep confidences.
I do not need someone who talks about me to others while I am not there.
Heath and I were talking about this last night (again!). Sometimes I am that person that I do not need…yikes! I try desperately not to be but there are times I slip…I am far from perfect! I completely check out on friendships when I have been hurt. I basically just drop them. It is horrible to say that but it is true. Ask Christy, my best friend growing up, and she will attest to many times I just did not talk to her when I was upset. Thankfully, she stuck around! 🙂 I fall head first into gossip at times…I am trying my best to keep myself in check but it still happens!
I have shared a lot of the feelings I have had about coming to the Dickson campus. I love it here! There are phenomenal people that I have met. One of the things that scared me most was about friendships…well, authentic friendships. I really struggled with the idea of forming new friends with everyone. Again, I am talking about authentic, you are in a crisis and need to talk to someone, friendships. It is easy to go into church on a Sunday, smile and even laugh with people, walk out the doors and know that you would not call them in a crisis. I had decided I was pretty content with that type of friendship at the new campus.
Of course, then God turns my world upside down and brings in some women that are amazing! I don’t think I would still be there with out them. Yet, this has caused me to wonder if I am the only person that has high standards for friends. Are these standards too high?
What do you do when you feel friends are not what you need?