I am quickly approaching a crossroads and I am at a loss as what road to take. For the last few months I have had the chance to serve as the interim Kidz World Director at the Dickson campus. While I felt totally unfit for the job, God gave me peace, strength and a love for the children. I knew that my time there would end. It isn’t sad for me. I LOVE the new director, Leslie. She is an amazing friend and I know that her heart for children is huge. She just brings fresh perspective and new energy. This coming Sunday will be my last Sunday with the teachers and children. It is a little bittersweet, though. I have had the chance to get to know some amazing people while working with the children. Whether is was creating relationships with the teachers or parents, it was, and is, all special. I had the chance to get to know Pat and his team at Nashville. I also had the chance to learn about a God that stretches me, never leaves me and causes me to have great appreciation for so many people. To say that my time with Kidz World was amazing would be understatement.
Yet, here I am approaching my final Sunday and I sit and wonder what the future holds for me. I keep saying I will take a month off (and I plan to hold to that) but I wonder just how to function. How do I simply walk into the doors of CP Dickson, walk my children to their classes, listen to Pete and then go home. It seems so empty in a way. Hear me, it isn’t about popularity, it has nothing to do with being noticed. It does however, have to do with serving…both God and others. I suppose it is a new type of journey as I try to figure what road to take and what God has in store for me next.
And truth: I am terrified! When we came to Dickson (albiet my feet dragging a bit!) I was sure that I did not want to lead. I told more than one person that my intention was to simply be a member. I was not looking for leadership roles. I soon understood why Tom, our associate pastor, laughed at me when I told him that. It was so much harder than I thought. Then came the Children’s position. It took me out of my comfort zone. It caused me to trust God’s leading in new ways. It made me realize that God was still forming my heart. Yet, here I am again, waiting. What is that God will have for me? Where is it that He wants to place me so that I can bring Him glory? What comfort zone will I need to dissolve in order to serve Him?
I have no answers…try as I might. Well, I have one answer, I want to be used. While I know that can open a lot of doors, it is my heart right now. Whether it be making sure to take time to welcome someone new into the auditorium as they sit next to me or leading a team, I want it to be about God. I want everyone to see me living Inside Out.
Have you ever been at a Crossroads? Tell me about it.