This past Sunday was amazing. We saw a video (which I plan to link to tomorrow) which created awe, thankfulness and humility in me. The base of the message (or at least what I got from it) was what happens when your faith is wrapped around a dream, but the dream does not come true? The illustration was plastic wrap around a beach ball. When the beach ball is popped and the air exits, what happens to the wrap? It folds, crumples, it is no longer what you thought. The illustration was great. Faith can be fragile and protective all at the same time. At first, I have to tell you that I felt removed from the message. I have never had a dream that didn’t come true, yet. Then I realized, it wasn’t about dreams, sometimes it was about perceptions or ideas. I thought about days when my ‘ball’ was popped. It could have been the day my best friend moved away. Possibly it was the time I was telling my parents I would be going straight to work rather than college. It might have been the time I heard my mom had cancer, or the time the doctor said it had returned. I am sure it popped as I lay in the bed crying that Silas was not ready to come into the world as the nurse tried to stop my pre-term labor. It might just have been the day I found out I was pregnant when we had no insurance or place for a child in our apartment. There have more times than I can count that my ball was blown away and I felt like my faith was truly the size of a mustard seed. The plastic wrap gone, torn to shreds and blown every which way by the wind. I would love to tell you that I fell into the arms of my Father in Heaven and found peace. And while that is true, it was a journey to get there at times. I can remember literally screaming on the phone while my mom was sick. I can remember shaking with fear in a hospital bed. I can remember laying in my husband’s arms as be both cried trying to figure out how to be parents to our first unborn child. In those moments, my faith seemed to barely exist. Yet, looking back, I can’t imagine my faith growing more than those times. I learned that God was our provider, not our paychecks. I learned God formed my children and held them tenderly in His hands before I ever did. I learned He was the ultimate physician. My faith is still shaky at times. I am sure there I are times I seem sure of my faith in Christ, but I know better, my friends know better too. I have learned that my ball may pop, but this time, my faith isn’t around that ball. It is tied to my Saviour. And when I feel weak, he uses it to wrap me in His arms.
What does your faith look like? April 14, 2008