What a whirlwind of a week we have had lately. Silas has been to the doctor three times, Isaiah went to kindergarten orientation and Joel got bit by a dog!My house is full of adventures for sure! This past weekend I had a huge revelation. Now you might already know this but for me it was like someone turned on the brightest light possible in my prayer life. I have been praying for months that Silas would ‘get better’, ‘be healed’, and all those other fancy words. To me, it was the perfect prayer a mom should pray for her son. I kept asking and I kept getting frustrated and angry. Why was God not listening? Or better yet, why was He ignoring me? I mean, I am sure he hates to see Silas sick so why let this continue. I battled this thought for some time. Then, driving to the doctor last week it hit me: maybe I have been praying wrong all the time. Now before you start looking for the one shot prayer forget it. It isn’t that I learned how to pray better or make my prayer stick, I learned that my heart had to be open. You see, I had been praying that God would heal Silas…no other options seemed possible. And while I still believe God heals, I also know that God allows things for his purpose.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
How many times have I read that and I conveniently skip it? All things, people. Not just some things in our lives, not just the good ALL things! I started praying that God would give wisdom to Silas’ doctors and all the technicians we met. I started praying that God would use me as a mom to help other moms who might have children with needs and encourage them. I started praying that Silas would one day have compassion for children and adults that undergo testing and wait for answers.
You see, God knew I needed a lesson, and he found a way to teach it to me through my son. I look over the last year and it would be easy to say ‘it has been tough’ because at times it was. However, I also see God hand weaving friendships, manicuring my heart and bringing my family to a deeper place together that we had been before. God does use everything for His good and while we may not see it in the moment we will soon be able to look back at his beauty in the breaking, waiting and learning.
Full of Boys 
This was a great post! Sorry I missed it the day you wrote it. It’s always kind of neat to me when I’ve learned a lesson to know that God cares enough about me to teach me things. 🙂
This is a great lesson!! I went through this (and still do) with my little ticker!! I would LOVE for God to just take it away and heal my heart, but He has chosen for now to teach me through this condition. It’s hard to see that at times though…thanks for the reminder!!! Love ya!
[…] I learned how to trust God in new ways with Silas. A c-section was terrifying to me. The idea of the epidural was frightening. Healing from surgery seemed daunting. Taking home a third little guy seemed overwhelming. Yet, God was always near to me. As we struggled through the first months of a doctor’s office being our second home, He was there. Sometimes I could feel His peace and strength, other times I just had to trust Him. Silas gave me the gift of trust. It wasn’t a gift I thought I needed but once I received it I could not imagine never having it. You can read more about him here. […]