Whole Thing

While Heath was out of town last week, I was flipping through channels looking for something to watch. I came across City of Angels. I love this movie…and I love the soundtrack even more! As I watched the movie, I loved hearing the songs in the background, matching the soundtrack to the movie. I was also reminded of how much I really like Peter Gabriel. I found this song of his on the internet soon after and I simply love it. It is called the Whole Thing. I think what I like the most is that it is a love song…and not too mushy! This has to be my favorite part:

the whole thing would still go on without you
and something would still be there to move me
my own thing is always to protect you
my own thing is always to inspire you

The fact is, life would still move along if Heath were missing. It would hurt and I never want to think about it. But God would be there to move me, heal me. Of course, I strive to be the one to protect and inspire Heath (after God, of course!). I just love the idea that even though we all know that the world moves along in grief, it is also ok to hold on to the ones you love.

Gift Card Giveaway!

I absolutely love doing giveaways on this blog! I was a bit stumped when I thought about what item I would give, though. Since you all know how I like to save…how about a $10 gift card to your choice of the following:

Kroger, Publix, CVS or Walgreens

I figure a little extra towards much needed items can not hurt!

You should check here for a TON more giveaways, too!

So what do you need to do to win? Simply leave a comment with which store you prefer! Make sure to give me a valid email address so that I know how to contact you! I will close the giveaway on Saturday at 1000am (CST) and post the winner Monday!

Are you participating in the Bloggy Giveaways? Make sure to tell me in your comment so I can come visit you!

I blame him

It is all Alan’s fault (because his wife and little boy are completely innocent in this!). This conversation happened today with Joel on our way home from school.

Joel: Mom, can you take me somewhere
Me: I’m not sure, where do you want to go? (Note to new parents, always keep your skepticism in check when a four year old boy asks for anything!)
Joel: I think it is time we go to the pet store
Me: (trying not to spew the coke I just put in my mouth)
Joel: I would like to go pick out my two new dogs
Me: Really? I don’t think we can do that today
Joel: Ok…maybe next week
End of discussion

Soon after Alan and Carrie welcomed their little guy into the world we drove out to their house to take them a meal. They own two dogs. I must tell you I was quite nervous as they are big dogs. I was not sure how the boys would take to them. I figured they would freak out but instead they entertained themselves with the dogs the entire time! Joel came home and immediately wanted a dog. It is hard to explain to a 4 year old why we will not have a dog…yet. The idea of a dog had gone away until this weekend, when Alan, Carrie and Sawyer came over. Now the dog is fresh in Joel’s mind and he is not letting go. He is even taking special care of his stuffed dog now…putting it down for a nap and all!

We will have a dog one day, I know this. I am ok with this too…as long as I am not the one cleaning up after it! I have enough to keep up with here with the boys and Heath! When we move to our land and have more room I think a dog will be a great addition to our family.

Do you have pets? What made you decide to have them or not have them in your house? Use the poll below and be sure to comment about your decisions!

A Bit more randomness

Remember this post? I thought it was hard to come up with random items about me. However, over the last few weeks I have thought of some more. Here they are:

* I wear my sunglasses all the time…even at night (you know you were growing up in the 80’s if that line just evoked a memory of the song ‘I wear my sunglasses at night’). I am not sure why but I always have. I can remember as a teen my youth leader looking at me one day and pointing out that I had on sunglasses and that it was cloudy. They are just an extension of me. For some of you southerners, the idea of wearing sunglasses in the snow somehow evades them. Trust me, driving in the snow with a bright sun (which is possible) means a glare!

*I love Coke…and I am talking about the brand. While in the south they call everything that is carbonated ‘coke’, I call it soda. It actually drives me crazy that someone will refer to sprite as a coke. However, I detest Pepsi. If I order a coke at a restaurant and they ask if Pepsi is ok, I will change my order.

* I grew up in the south. In fact I only lived in this state. Yet, some of the ’southern staples’ were never on my food radar until I married Heath. The only sweet tea I had drunk up until then was really sweetened with sweet n low.  I had been missing some great stuff! I do not like ‘greens’, cornbread or any kind of beans (white, navy, etc.). My first Thanksgiving with Heath’s family was eye opening. They did not have rolls or sauerkraut! All the things I thought were staples!

*My Dad has a huge sense of humor…and great confidence in himself as a dad. While a teen, I would go into ‘the study’…which was his area…and fuss about any and everything….mostly boys. One day I was at my limit with some drama and to get it out I started writing on post it notes. Before I knew it there were about a dozen post it notes stuck on his wall with things like ‘ I like…, I hate…, I’m mad at…’. It became a ritual that I would go write things down and stick them on his wall…sometimes replacing other notes. This went on for over a year. As a parent I now wonder if my dad was holding in his laughter as I dealt with teenage drama but if he was, he did not show it. I learned to express my feelings with my dad without judgement…a quality you can be sure I looked for in a husband!

* Heath and I met on a plane…no joke! We were going on a mission trip with our local Christian radio station. We lived over an hour apart at that time. My friend Michelle was going on this trip and told me she was praying about a friend to go…she wanted me to go. I politely declined. I had to work and such. She was persistent…going to my dad to tell him that I was to go. Finally, with everyone telling me to go, I gave in and signed up. It was on the first leg of our flight that I sat next to Heath. Would you believe that everyone on the trip (over 100 people) were thinking we would get married? I would just laugh them off! They were crazy in my mind. Seems they were all right…we married almost a year later. And Michelle was standing in my wedding with me…she was the reason I met him!

* I talk to my best friend at least once a week…and she lives states away. Christy and I met when we were 5 years old. We lived a couple houses apart. Her family was my family. They saw the bratty little girl and still loved me. The day my parents told me that my mom had cancer, I found myself running to her house. My dad had already called them because I think he knew I would need them. As I found my way through their door I remember the tears and hugs. They supported me and held me. They also took a chance on me by taking me to church. Our youth group was not happening so they took me with them. It was during a ski trip with the youth group that I made my decision to follow Christ. We have shared more tears and laughs than just about anyone else. I think I am closer today than all those years ago with Christy. She has since moved away…but we still find ways to connect!

What are some random things about you?

Striking a New Balance

Yesterday began a new journey for me…really for our family. I began a new job outside the home. Actually, a portion will be done from home too. I can not really explain how excited I am about taking on a new job. There are many moms that I know that work outside the home full time flawlessly. I am amazed by them as they balance home and work. There are also many moms that I think are the perfect ’stay at home’ moms as they find joy in motherhood that way. Both of these moms are important and I think can take motherhood just as seriously. I remember a conversation I had sometime ago with a friend about children. She made a statement that has played in my mind often. Her statement was something like ‘I think I would not be a good stay at home mom, I would want to work’. My heart totally got that statement. I never saw myself as a stay at home mom….ever. Truth be told, I never saw myself as a mom….let alone staying home. Staying home has brought new challenges to my life. There have been days that I did not feel fit to be a stay at home mom. There were days I actually resented Heath because he got to get out of the house. I learned a lot about my selfish heart and I learned how to put my family first. Honestly I am still learning to put my family first. I am hopeful the reason for that is because we are always evolving as a family. However, I suspect it is because I am constantly battling with my heart. Recently I had to tell a couple people that I would be unable to pursue a job that would exist in the near future. I knew that to take on this job would require a chunk of my time during weekend. It was the hardest choice to make to tell them that I would not be able to do that job.
Then this job came to me. It is a perfect fit. It is taking all the things I have done in the past on a smaller scale. I can go to the office some and I can work from home some. The best thing is that my boss is a Christian and a mom. She gets me needing to keep family first. My day yesterday was wonderful. I had a great time taking on new tasks and learning the ropes. There is so much to learn! I am thrilled to have the opportunity to do it! I am sure you will hear more soon!
Now we are off to striking a new balance in our house. I am still a stay at home mom…I am just working too!

What do you do when it is time to strike a new balance?

There Will Be A Day

I heard this song late last week and I knew immediately I wanted to put it on my blog. Give me a good build in music, great lyrics and a choir feel and I am almost sold. I think we can all think of things that we go through that are hard. I am not talking about the kids screaming and the dishes needing to be done hard. I am talking about the things that test your faith. And for me, brought me to a place of questioning who God was and if He really cared. Those were some dark days as I battled with the idea of abandonment. When these lines came on I had to fight back the tears.

I know the journey seems so long, you feel you’re walking on your own.
There has never been a step where you’ve walked out all alone

It took me several months to get to a place in my heart that I truly believed God was with me…in every trial and every setback. Towards the end of that time, I read a verse anew in the Bible. Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. I had memorized that verse as a teen…and yet as an adult it struck me differently. I put my own spin on it…and still do. I personalized it…or maybe just modernized it. Here is my version:

‘God didn’t check out today. He didn’t think it was time for a vacation and leave me to fend for myself. He cares just as deeply about me today as He did 6 months ago, 6 years ago. His character has not failed, His integrity has not failed. His compassion and mercy renewed every morning. His loves still pours for me. His heart still aches with me. His tears flows alongside mine. He is still here…He has not left’

It took several months to get to where I could make that verse personal. Once I did, I never looked back. There will still some hard days but I found joy. During those months I simply had to get to where I believed that there would be a day that was better than today. A day when the pain of those around me would cease to exist. I learned to trust in the unseen and let go of trying to comprehend what Heaven might entail.

I think the following line really wraps this up well:

I can’t wait until that day when the very One I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow I face

To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery

Not all put together

I have so many posts swirling in my head right now. This week should be full! However, I wanted to start this week with a line from yesterday’s message. We are in a series called ‘Baggage’. I must admit that I have not be as invested in this series as I normally am. It has nothing to do with Pastor Pete, more to do with travel and such. However, yesterday was about taming the tongue. The message was still similar in base that I already knew, the tongue can kill or revive with it’s power. However, towards the end of the message Pete said this one sentence:

No matter how put together someone is on the outside does not mean they do not need healing

I know that at that moment my heart burst into tears. I have struggled with the idea that looks define people. I am learning the heart defines people more and more. My heart defines me. I try to always look ‘put together’. And I am not just talking about an outfit. I am talking about my emotions, my attitudes, my spirituality. I keep most people at arm’s length for fear that when they ‘know me’, they might walk away.

I am far from ‘out together’. I say things that are hurtful and mean. I judge too harshly at times and I lack compassion for some people that really need it. And yet, I still need healing. Everyday.

At the end of the service we saw a video of Say by John Mayer. Matt made the video and used some CP Dickson people. I had seen the video a few days before and I cried. During the service was no different. If you want to see the video, click here.

I want my words to be healing for others, regardless of their position in my life. Here are some of the things I want to say:

Thanks Dad and Mom for giving me wings to fly away.
Thanks Pappy and Mumsey for giving me strong arms to land in
Thanks to my husband, you are my biggest fan, my closest friend and my biggest ally.
Thank you to Isaiah – you take me out of my comfort zone and make me realize that without you I might never grow.
Thank you to Joel, you make me laugh so hard that I want to cry. You show me that humor can abound in the midst of sadness
Thank you Silas, you make me brave. You continue to be someone that God uses to turn my heart towards Him.
Thanks to my friends who watch me fall, see my tears and know my faults and still stand with me and at times stand for me.

What do you want your words to say?

The Real Housewives of…

I am a huge Bravo TV fan. Project Runway is one of my favorite shows. Add Top Design and Top Chef and Bravo battles only with Disney and the outdoor/hunting channels. Lately, I have caught their new show, Real Housewives of Atlanta. I should tell you that I actually liked the original housewives in Orange County. It seems, though, that all that this show revolves around money. Sometimes I think it is because we just want to see money…but then I think of shows like Jon and Kate plus 8…a pretty normal family (well, other than the kids!). So, I think there should be a Real Housewives of Music City. I was thinking of some women that I love here. So if I were on this show, here would be a list of women that I think would be great!

Brandi – She is a mom of three boys and wife to a pastor. I am sure that the last part of that sentence should qualify for good entertainment! She is open and honest and the last thing she is would be proud (well, other than of her boys!).
Jen – She is the mom of two kids. She and her husband work outside the house. They balance conflicting schedules to make their house run.
Jenni – Oh, I so love her! She is the ability to juggle so many hats in her job. She is in a position that could make her elusive, judgmental and unapproachable. She is completely the opposite!
Eve – Forget an NBA star for a hubby, Eve’s husband is our local weatherman. She juggles family with a career and always is thinking of other people first.

Oh – and to mix things up…I say we add in Anne, Carmen and even MommyZabs.

Who would you add to your list?

Love prevails

Today I am celebrating my 8 year anniversary with Heath. Well, we are not actually celebrating today instead he chose to surprise me this past Sunday. Around 315 in the afternoon he told me to get dinner out for the boys, take a shower and get ready because Bailey would be at our house at 430pm. I sat there with my mouth wide open and just laughed in shock. He had pulled one over on me!

This was something that several friends were actually in on. The plan for the night was to go to small group where our friend Bryan would be leading. Heath emailed his wife, Chrissy, and let her know we would not be there and why. When I saw her on Sunday we talked about group and she never let on that she knew! Add to that our friends Rusty and Bethany who coordinating getting their daughter, Bailey, here! Rusty’s first words to me when they arrived were ‘did it work?’.

This was also the first time we ever left the boys with a sitter other than family…or our friends Alan and Carrie. However, I was not nervous. There is a not a better and more responsible teen that I know other than Bailey.

We went to Bonefish Grill for dinner, a place we had been wanting to try for months! We topped it off with a trip to Marble Slab Creamery for dessert. It was just a perfect night!

While we were at dinner we talked about how we had changed since we said our ‘I dos’ years before. Friends have come and gone. We have lost loved ones and welcomed three wonderful boys into our lives. Our jobs have changed multiple times. I had to evolve my way of thinking.

I love where we are now…and I can not wait to see what 8 more years will bring. Heath, I love you more every day. You faith and belief in me is propelling. You words of honesty are laced with love and the net you provide when I fall is invaluable. I love how your desire to make me laugh is contagious with our boys. I appreciate how you can sit quietly by my side as tears stream down my face. Thank you for allowing me to grow and become the woman I am today. I love you.

Camping update

I am sure you are waiting to hear how the camping trip went this weekend. I will be posting pictures and stories soon. in the mean time, I thought you might like to see a text message that I sent while I was there.

“bathrooms at campsite means port a potties…this might be a long trip “

The trip went well and we made tons of memories. No video but I do have pictures. I will be posting more soon.