I do still exist…

…although I am betting you might think that I have fallen out of the blog world. I have spent this week busy with anything from taking care of boys to securing some great bloggers to provide some guest posts while I am out visit my sister in a couple weeks. I am also toying with the idea of creating some new theme days here on Full of Boys.

Do you blog? Are you interested in guest posting? If so, let me know. In fact, even without a blog you are welcome to guest post. Leave me a comment! More tomorrow!

Appreciation

If you have been reading this blog for some time, you know (or maybe don’t know) that I stepped in as the interim director for our Children’s Ministry at the Dickson campus of Crosspoint a few months back. I leave my house around 645am in the morning on Sundays to get to church to set up and many days don’t leave until after 1 in the afternoon. It can be a long day (not as long as Chad’s day, though). Some days I truly wonder if it is worth it. The volunteers are amazing and the children are a delight (even the ones that scream!). I took over this interim with no experience. Believe me, having three little ones does not qualify me at all! Most Sundays I am pulled out of my comfort zone into the hyperness of the children. I have to tell you that some weeks I simply wonder why I do it. It isn’t for recognition, it isn’t to get more ’serving hours’ in. I am happy to serve behind the scenes and let the volunteers shine…they are all remarkable! I sometimes question if God is using me in this place. It isn’t about stepping down, it is about being the place He would like me to be. Last Sunday, a mom made little gift bags for ALL the teachers (all, not just her children’s teachers) and handed them out. I was humbled that she included me in that group. Her note was simple but was heartfelt. This week, a little boy came up to me with a gift card to a local coffee house (which I am a sucker for good coffee) with a little note. Again, it was simple but it meant more than words could express. When this little guy and his little brother come in I just smile. They are full of energy and life and I love watching the teachers interact with them and earn their trust.

Now, you might think I am telling you all this so you will rush out and buy gifts for the people who teach your children. I am not, well unless you want to do that! These parents and their children gave me a great gift. It wasn’t what was opened but it was the realization that they were appreciating me. I had to pause to think about whether or not I showed appreciation to my volunteers, my children’s teachers, to people who make coffee every morning (and keep me going all day!). They are all amazing and I sometimes miss the chance to say thank you to them. Do you miss it to? Please, tell me I am not the only one who sometimes get wrapped up in my own world!

I have decided this week to make some time to let people know how much I appreciate them, how they impact my life. I would encourage you to do the same. It doesn’t have to be a gift bag or gift card, a simple note can mean so much! Is your child’s Sunday School teacher? Maybe it is a close friend who has taken time for you. Whoever it is, try to find a way to say thanks!

Who will you be thanking this week?

Flying to Jesus

Molly went to be held by the angel’s tonight. I wish there were more words I could type but honestly, my heart is filled with grief. I never met Molly, never held her in my arms. Yet, her little life has changed me. I can not put into words what I feel or how I have grown, yet. However, I hope to one day share with you all as well as Rebecca and Jacob what they have all meant to me.

Christy quoted a Chris Rice song that really sums up a lot.

And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye then go in peace and laugh on Glory’s side. And Fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, Fly to Jesus Molly and LIVE!

What a difficult road this family has ahead of them as they remember and grieve for their little girl. I know they covet your prayers. Rebecca has said that she wants everyone to hear the gospel through Molly’s story. I know she has impacted my life, what about you? If you read this and have been impacted, please comment. Or do you have a sentiment you would like to express? Please leave it below. I believe it would mean a lot to Jacob and Rebecca to know that their daughter is making a difference. We plan on making a book of all the comments received from here and elsewhere for them and giving it to the family soon.

Turning eyes to Jesus

UPDATE: Just got a text that says: ‘Little Molly is starting to fade a bit. She is ready to go home.’ They have not removed the life support yet. From an email from Rebekah’s brother, Molly had a hard night last night as her body is starting to give out. Please continue to pray for this family as they say goodbye to their little girl today.

The latest and possibly last post about Molly Mutz. This is an email from Dennis Rainey, Molly Grandfather. Please lift them in prayer today. As my friend Christy shared, she is holding her daughter a little tighter today. I think I will be loving my boys a bit more closely today too! Our children are precious gifts. Jacob and Rebecca are going through the unthinkable and making decisions parents should not have to make. Yet, they are doing so with the knowledge that God is God. They have been remarkable in their faith. Grief and tears have flowed and will continue yet they truly know that God is with them. It is humbling to have been able to witness from afar their faith.

As the sun is coming out here in Colorado, and The Son will soon be welcoming home Rebecca and Jakes daughter, Molly. A gift, entrusted to them for 7 days, to be ushered home, undoubtedly by a band of the gentlest and mighty angels dispatched from the throne of God to carry her into the presence of The Savior.

What has been tough, is about to get much tougher. Pray for Rebecca and Jake and forward this email to anyone you know who will pray for them.

Our days here have been so full of the presence of God. Honoring Him for Molly Ann.

Friday morning she was born… she didn’t cry for nearly 4’ because she was suffering from congestive heart failure. Her mom held her only for seconds before she was whisked away to be placed on life support. We think her problem is a heart murmur. Oh how I wish that was all she had. She is rushed by ambulance to The Children’s Hospital here in Aurora. We arrive that evening to hear Jake say she is going to need brain surgery. I am thinking…I wish it was a heart murmur.

Saturday was a day of testing, in more ways than one. She has x-rays, ultra-sound, and MRIs around 11. The radiologist makes a copy for Jake and me from her text book about the Vein of Galen. I go on line and find out that Molly is up against a serious abnormality in the middle of her brain that it is VERY rare and VERY destructive. Around 4 we are seated in a private room with a neurologist, cardiologist, neonatologist, and nurse giving us the news that over 50% of Molly’s brain is permanently damaged and that the damage affects both halves of the brain. 10-15-20 dangerous surgeries, she MIGHT be able to have A FEW functions as a human being. (Later I talk to a friend who has been a neurologist for 30 years and he puts it in perspective—“In cases like Molly where there is so much brain damage, I have never seen a good outcome through surgery.” Never is a strong word. Yet we hope and pray for a miracle…even today) It is as though this young couple have been hit by a truck, news beyond comprehension. Joy turns to mourning.

In other words, it would take a miracle for Molly to live.

Sunday Jake’s parents, Bill and Pam Mutz, arrive along with some of their family. Laura flies in from DC, Samuel and Stephanie and their three children fly in from Seattle, Ashley flies in from Memphis where she was on vacation with her husband and 5 sons and Ben and Marsha Kay come to the hospital. Rebecca and Jake want to introduce their new daughter to each family member. Many come and kneel at Rebecca’s feet and just sob. When a family is being a family it is powerful. Worshipful. God honoring.

Jake and Rebecca spend a good bit of Sunday and Monday praying, talking, seeking second opinions trying to decide what is God’s will for Molly…what is the loving thing to do?

Monday we surround Molly and have a baby dedication, read Scripture, pray and sing a couple of songs. More than a dozen of us weep our way through the familiar hymn:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Look full in His wonderful face.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.

Again many of us kneel at Rebecca’s feet as she hold’s little Molly in her arms teethered to life support tubes.

Monday night Bill and Pam Mutz and Barbara and I witness the unimaginable…we sit in a hospital room as Jake hold’s Molly…listening for over 2 hours as Jake and Rebecca process their choices. God is God, but it’s impossible to NOT feel, this just shouldn’t be. What a choice for a young couple to have to make. They decide to not pursue the several very dangerous and complex brain surgeries and remove life support later in the week.

Tuesday, honestly, I don’t know what happened to Tuesday. But I do know that if love could heal, Molly would be well. Instead, we can all see Molly’s little chest pounding, her heart beating faster and faster, trying to keep up with what she needs to live. 60-80% of her blood is going to her brain when it should be 10-15%.

I do know that Wednesday was an incredible day. Videoing, picture taking, making a mold of Molly’s hands, Rebecca and Jake holding Molly still teethered by life support tubes. Rebecca and the mom’s giving Molly her first, and only bath, washing her hair. Stroking her little naked body. This is not what this young mother expected. Doing footprints and hand prints. Ask me to show you my bible and I’ll show you her footprints all over Psalm 127 and 128…and her handprint on my life verse, Psalm 112:1-2…Her life may have been short in terms of days, but her life has been mighty. Mighty Molly Mutz.

Wednesday closed out with this email at midnight from Jake, on the close of the last full day that Molly will likely live:

I just got done holding Molly chest-to-chest for the last 3.5 hours! Heavenly!I could feel her beating heart on my bare chest! 2569 kisses later I relinquished her to Mom.

She is an Angel!!!!

Now Rebecca is experiencing this delight! I just looked over at Bec & she nodded, as if to say – I WILL be sleeping here with my Sweet Pea for the next 12 hours!

We love you guys!
Jake & Rebecca

And now today. Molly’s coronation day. Read Ecclesiastes 7:1-4. This morning we will all say goodby one by one and then leave Rebecca and Jake to spend the afternoon with her. She is expected to live only a few minutes after being taken off all life support machines later on this afternoon.

Pray for Jake and Rebecca today.

And for the Mutz family and ours.

Our hearts are breaking.

You are loved and appreciated,

Molly’s Papa

Ps 112:1-2

Thankful Thursday

What a week we have been through here at our house. It has been a bit like a roller coaster here with me screaming to get off at times. Through it all, I have learned much (I can not wait to share with you next week). Isaiah is doing much better! He seems back to him normal self this morning and we had our first good night sleep last night.

*I am thankful for prayers, from friends and people I don’t know personally. I believe they helped get us through sleep deprivation and the unknowns
* I am thankful for community. I have said many times over that I love the main campus but that CP Dickson feels like it has more community. It showed this week. I had people emailing, sending texts and calling to check on us. People offered to help in any way possible. It was a bit overwhelming to see how much people cared for and loved on us during this week.
* I am thankful for Brandi who took Joel on a moment’s notice and kept him almost all day Monday while we were in the ER. She calmed me when I arrived at her house and reminded me that Joel would be fine, just to focus on Isaiah.
*I am thankful for family. My father in law kept Silas all day Monday and then again yesterday. Mom came and picked up Joel from Brandi’s house and took him back to hers, with nothing but what he was wearing. She has kept him all week.
* I am thankful for the health of all my boys. Being in a children’s hospital, I am realized how sick some children are. While in the moment I was on pins and needles, I was in awe of the parents that deal with this for months at a time.

What are you thankful for this week? Check out what others are saying here.

Watching and Waiting

I have held off writing about Isaiah today. Partly because lack of sleep and I don’t mix too well and partly because I was hoping to have some great news to share. Isaiah had a very rough night. We were up every hour or so. His fever went to over 103. With Motrin he was able to sleep. He woke up this morning weak and tired. With no food entering his system since Sunday night, his strength did not last long. As the morning wore on, his fever began to climb again. Reaching the 103 mark quickly. Thankfully, the motrin broke the fever and he seemed a little more like himself…even asking for McDonalds! Around 4 this afternoon he began to show signs of tiredness. Within an hour his fever was 104.3. Mortin and Tylenol are proving to be wonderful as they relieve his weakness and bring life back to him. Today has been a day of pushing fluids and battling dehydration. He revives at times I think he is on the mend. It is like a roller coaster, though.

We are heading to bed very soon, hoping to get a couple hours of sleep tonight. I can not thank you all enough for your prayers and simple words of encouragement. Please continue to pray for Isaiah, that his body would find strength to fight whatever is causing the fever. Pray for Heath who is somehow functioning on almost two nights of very little sleep. And please pray for wisdom as we seek to do what is best for Isaiah.

Molly Mutz Update

I know that this week my posts have centered around asking for prayers. I totally believe in the power of prayer for healing but also for peace and wisdom. Sunday I wrote about Molly Mutz and her parents Rebecca and Jacob. The decisions they have had to make have been hard. This email from Dennis (Rebecca’s father) via Christy came today.

Molly’s condition remains the same, critical. Multiple meetings with neonatologists, pediatric cardiologists (from here to Little Rock, to Indiana to Mayo Clinic), neurologists, and interventional radiologists, have confirmed:
Much of her blood is going to the brain.
Because of the abnormal vein and aneurism, the blood that’s going there is ineffective, since it’s not going to her lungs, and the rest of her body…as a result 60-80% of her blood is going to her brain, normally it should be 10-15%. And because of this she is in congestive heart failure.
Damage is substantial to both halves of the brain and permanent.
As a result they have two options:
Brain surgery, very dangerous and at best a questionable procedure, since she’ll never function normally without a miracle. If the surgery is successful, the congestive heart failure could be slowed and with a couple more surgeries, perhaps eliminated. Leaving Molly with a damaged brain and many more dangerous surgeries.
Second option is to withdraw life support and enjoy what hours or days God may give Rebecca and Jake with her. It is likely she’ll only live a few hours.

I have to tell you that listening and watching Rebecca and Jake (with Molly in Jake’s arms) grapple over what God wants them to do in terms of treatment of their daughter has been THE most difficult thing I’ve ever watched. It’s been holy. Worshipful. Heart rending. It is beyond imagination and words. I know that some of you have been through this, but oh how tough to watch two people you love enter into this deep valley. I marvel at how honest and real they’ve continued to be. Their faith and trust in God is remarkable.

They have decided not to operate. And in the coming days, Rebecca and Jake have decided to remove the life support.

What has been unimaginatively tough has just become a lot tougher. Please pray for Jake and Rebecca’s broken hearts. Scriptures tell us our days are numbered. Molly’s little life may be comprised of less than 7 days.

I am grateful for your prayers and sustaining love.

God is God. We are surrendering to Him and His ways. Blessed be the Name of our God. There is NO hope in any other.

Dennis

Please continue to life up this family. My heart breaks and my eyes fill with tears as I read and read again that letter.

Please Pray for Isaiah – Update

Thanks so much to Christy for taking time to get the word out about Isaiah. All of the calls, texts, emails and comments mean so much to us! Soon after Isaiah began to get the IV fluids he began to perk up. We were excited as it seemed the worst was behind us. However, soon after 3:00pm, he started down hill again. The doctor in the ER decided that she wanted to do an x-ray rather than put him through a cat scan. We received the results of the x-ray and we were relieved at first. She shared with us that is looked like it could be a backed up stool that was too hard to pass. She recommended some medicine and said it should clear up in a couple days. However, if it returns (we will check in about a month or so), we will need to look at the possibility of a hernia of some type or a blockage in the intestines. We arrived home a little after 6pm tonight. Isaiah had his first does of medicine and went to the couch. He is so lifeless, unlike himself. About an hour later, all the medicine came back up. I am not sure any even made it through his system. He is weak and tired. He has had only a piece of bread this morning and very little to drink. His fever is returning which takes even more of a toll on his body. Right now we are just watching him, waiting to see what develops. Please continue to pray for his body. The weaker he is, the harder it is for him to manage the pain. And selfishly, please pray for Heath and me. We want to do what is best for Isaiah.

Please pray for Isaiah

3:00pm UPDATE: Got a call from Jenn a little while ago.  She said Isaiah is in an urgent care room in the ER.  He is getting IV fluids right now.  His fever broke…which is a huge praise!  His pain has diminished a bit which is also a praise.  They are going to wait and see how Isaiah feels after the IV fluids are done.  If the pain increases again they will do a cat scan to see what all is going on.  Please pray that the pain would subside completely and that he can go home quickly.  Jenn and Heath are both with them.  Pray for them as you know it’s so hard to watch your child in pain.  I’ll update again when I know more.  Thanks.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Hi, this is Christy Hutchins, a friend of Jennifer Garton.  She asked me to write and ask you all to pray for her son Isaiah.  He woke up around 1am this morning with intense abdominal pain.  She took him into the doctor’s office and they did blood work along with some other tests.  His white blood count was off so they have sent him to Children’s Hospital ER to see if he might possibly have an appendicitis.  Please pray for Isaiah.  He is definitely in pain.  Please pray for Jennifer and Heath, for wisdom as they make decisions.  Please pray for the doctors to quickly diagnose Isaiah.  I’ll keep you updated as I am updated.  Thank you for praying. 

Praying for Molly

This weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions. From Friday until today I have heard news that broke my heart. With permission, I am now sharing the story of Molly Mutz and her parents, Jacob and Rebecca. Rebecca is the daughter of Dennis and Barbara Rainey of Family Life. Rebecca is one of my best friend Christy’s best friends. She is super sweet and has an infectious smile that lights up a room. Molly is their first child. Please take some time to read their story and lift them up in prayer. I truly can not imagine the weight this places on Jacob and Rebecca. Feel free to leave comments, I will makes sure they get the chance to read them all!

Rebecca and Jacob welcomed Molly Ann Mutz Friday morning at 5:27am. Molly didn’t breathe for 4 minutes and her oxygen levels were all wrong when she was born. They immediately took her to NICU. They said she had a significant heart murmur and ran various tests, etc.

Since then Molly has been transferred to a Children’s Hospital. Molly has Pulmonary Hypertension which is making her little body “extra sensitive.” So even a bath (or a wipe down) discomforts her. However the PH should go away eventually.

The main problem that Molly has is AVM (Arteriovenous Malformations). AVM’s are masses of abnormal blood vessels which grow in the brain. They consist of a blood vessel “nidus” (nest) through which arteries connect directly to veins, instead of through the normal elaborate collection of very small vessels called capillaries. As a result, blood that is pumping in Mollyʼs body cannot keep its oxygen level high enough as a significant portion of that blood does not re-circulate back through the heart and lungs in time to get fully re-oxygenated. She is on a breathing tube to help regulate her heart and to keep the oxygen levels where they need to be. She has a 2nd tube in her mouth that goes to her tummy to help keep air out of her little tummy.

Rebecca and Jacob now have the hardest decision to make. No parents should have to make this decision. Since having an MRI done on Saturday they have learned that Molly has a brain annuerism. She also has congenital heart failure…on top of AVM. She is legally blind and up to 50% of her brain is damaged, so she is already mentally disabled to a degree.

The decision that has to be made is if they should seek treatment for all these things or not. To seek treatment would mean 10-20 surgeries, obviously Molly would have a very hard life ahead of her. If they seek treatment the first surgery will be as early as this next week. If they do NOT seek treatment…the doctors will simply make Molly comfortable and Jacob and Rebecca will enjoy the days they have with her.

As you can imagine they are grieving. Grieving for the news they already have on Molly, and for this huge decision they are having to make. Dennis and Barbara are also grieving with them and they are just going through such an emotional rollercoaster right now as you can imagine.

So many people read this blog from all over. I am hoping that we can get even more people praying. If you blog, will you think about posting about this? We are all praying for a miracle for her. However, more than anything, we are praying for wisdom. This is a hard path for Jacob and Rebecca.