Life has been extremely busy for our house lately. There are so many details to convey and really, there just isn’t the time for that. The highlights would include:
Isaiah getting a double ear infection
Joel running head first into a huge glass pane which knocked him flat on his back (and yes, he is ok)
Silas getting a hair cut, eating tons of new foods (like shrimp and broccoli)
Heath finally beginning to get over his back pain
And really, that is only the tip of everything. I am learning that motherhood is a busy season of my life. At first, I wasn’t sure I was up for the challange. And honestly, some days I still wonder if I can do this thing called ‘motherhood’. There are so many times I just think I am missing something….not giving the kids enough.
I have come to this conclusion, I would rather know this busyness. I would rather know what it is to question myself as a mom and wife, than to assume I am perfect and have it all together. I would rather experience doubt in my abilities so that I can feel the high of finding a new strength. I would rather have my family than never know what this deep place of love feels like.
It took a few weeks for me to come to that place. And now I am in the most peaceful place I have been in a long time.
I will see you all soon!
Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer is mixing it up today. Instead of giving ideas for her Works For Me Wednesday, she is asking for them! And what a relief to see all the people participating! We are in our first year of elemetary school. Isaiah and Heath walk out the door by 715a. Needless to say, it is an early morning here on school days. Almost every morning, I default to cereal for breakfast because of it simplicity. What other ideas do you all have? We do used frozen waffles and pancakes but it is so much cheaper to do cereal.
Let me know what works for you!
Do you ever look in the mirror and find yourself surprised by your reflection? I am not talking the ‘oh my, I put on weight’ or ‘I should really get a hair cut’ kind of thoughts. I mean surprised by where you are in life. Much of the time I float through a day filled with demands, obligations, school pick ups and dirty diapers that I miss the blessings that surround me. I just miss them. I hurry through everything in order to make an impression. What impression am I really leaving? Sometimes I catch a glimpes of me and I wonder “How did I get here”. I expect to wake up sometimes to see that it is all a dream. I married when I was young – long before I ever knew what it was to really be a wife. Truth be told, I am not sure I even knew how to be a good friend then. I often laugh that if my friends could see me now they would stare is disbelief. I didn’t think I would have children, now I have 3. I saw myself on a career path, now I’m a stay at home mom. I saw myself living in a large city somewhere in New York, now I am in the country in Tennessee. I didn’t really see myself as loved completely, wholly, but now I am. I didn’t see God as a huge portion of my life, now He is the foundation of my everything. My reflection has changed. Somewhere over the last 8 years, I found a man that challenged me (and still does) to be a better person first, then helped me tackle being a wife and a mother. God allowed me the opportunity to meet some fantastic friends. Friends that tell me the truth when I am wrong, friends that cry with me when I am fearful, friends that let me call them at any hour of the night when life if falling down around me. Still, I get scared to let other people see me. I am not talking the maicured, hair styled and new clothes me. I mean the Jeckll and Hyde of my heart. I often wonder what reflection do they see from me? The new creation in Christ who puts her family as a priority, loves her husband with every breath she breathes, would lay down her life for her boys in an instant, worships a God who loves her even when she can’t always return that love? Or do they see the girl who is fearful of change, terrified that her friends would vansih in a moment, the girl who wonders how in the world she has been given 3 boys to raise and a man would come into her life and literally take the days and months and years to transform her. The fact is, that girl is still in existence. And I really do battle with those fears. At the end of the day, I want my children to see all those reflections. I never want them to think I am perfect, I want them to know that I mess things up. I want them to know that I love them. I want them to know that I am not a person who occasionally does bad things, I am a sinner who occasionally gets it right. I am a sinner who has been forgiven completely.
